


Shattered

by Ryu_Reikai_Akuma



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, F/M, M/M, Pregnancy, Revenge, Secret Relationship, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:07:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1677551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma/pseuds/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Battle of Five Armies took many lives and changed many hearts. Kili's feelings for Thorin weren't unaffected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> Umm, I read a fic the other day and the ending was so sad that I decided to write a revenge fic to make everyone sad with me. I am very sorry.

Kili watched disdainfully as the new queen’s belly grew. It would be a healthy child, Oin said and Kili smiled accordingly and celebrated with the kingdom they just won ( _This is not right_ , he had said as armies gathered outside the mountain kingdom, with the hesitance of one burdened by new knowledge. _We must do this_ , Fili had grimly replied with the resignation of one trapped between righteousness and loyalty). In her joy of bearing the future king of Erebor, she was blind to Kili’s hate but never mind that. She meant little to Kili, after all.

When Kili demanded (not requested, not proposed- _demanded_ ) the position of the lord of Ered Luin, he knew Thorin wouldn’t dare decline. He hurriedly packed his and Fili’s belonging and burnt everything Thorin had gifted him as peace offerings and told everyone concerned that he’d rather not leave Ered Luin lord-less for too long. They nodded in agreement and complimented his thoughtfulness and selflessness. But those who knew him a little better approached him in private for talks of sentiments.

“He wants to spare you the burden,” Balin said, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Yes, it was what Kili wanted.

Balin sighed, understanding yet resigned for he knew the exhaustion of preparing for great responsibilities of a ruler. “Very well then. Send him letters often. He worries about you. Thorin is a king, but he’s also your uncle.”

Kili promised to send messages.

He didn’t think it’s necessary to tell Balin he didn’t intend to keep the promise. No, he had no intention of staying connected with Thorin at all. If he could he would severe their blood ties. He would leave the duties that had caused so much loss. He would erase any memory of happiness he had had with Thorin and turn his name into a curse.

The night before Kili departed, Thorin came to his room cloaked in shadows. Kili didn’t greet him and didn’t react when he heard the door being closed then locked. He resolutely kept his attention on the documents listing his new responsibilities. The air was heavy with tension but Kili refused to crack (because he was already shattered).

“Kili,” Thorin called him in a tired voice not befitting a proud king who was awaiting his first child.

Still Kili refused to give his attention. Even when Thorin approached him ( _Kili_ , he said again in plea), he wouldn’t look. The king stood before him ( _Kili_ , he begged as if his name was the only and most important word in his vocabulary) but he wouldn’t budge. Only when Thorin took the papers away from his hand did he look.

“Kili,” Thorin said, as if his name was a prayer, shaking his head sadly. “Is there anything I can do to make you stay?”

No, there wasn’t. Shouldn’t the king rest as there’s much to do tomorrow? Wouldn’t the queen wonder where he had gone to?

Thorin’s face twisted. He reached for Kili’s hands but stopped at the last moment. He frowned, pursing his lips. Something stabbed Kili’s heart. Even now as he came to plead certain words could barely leave his mouth.

“I love you,” Thorin finally said quickly, fear and shame coloring his words as always. He looked at Kili pleadingly when the new lord said nothing. Insecure as always, he wanted someone to join (cover) his faults. In the past, Kili had been eager to relieve him of his burden, but not anymore.

“I love you,” Kili said. Thorin’s face lit up slightly and he straightened his back, showing pride and stubbornness he was known for, pride and stubbornness that had brought despair and death. “and I hate you,” Kili continued in a snarl, injecting as much venom into those words as he could. “You should’ve died instead of Fili.”

Thorin’s confidence collapsed instantly, he looked shaken but he recovered with defensiveness. Kili thought of Fili, lying prone on a large bed, tortured by numerous injuries he had sustained acting as Thorin’s shield, begging for the mercy of death which hadn’t come soon enough. ( _Finally,_ he had said just before he passed away in Kili’s arms, battered body with broken bones and uncountable wounds limp in their last embrace, a relieved smile on his bruised face). No, Kili wouldn’t let Thorin have this victory.

“You should’ve died, not him. You shouldn’t have asked for prove of his loyalty. He shouldn’t have protected you and your greed and pride. It should’ve been you who felt the agony, not Fili.”

Kili watched regret and grieve played upon Thorin’s face. His chest felt slightly lighter now that the words had left the confines of his thoughts. However, his rage and hate still burnt bright, and they would never die.

“I grieve for him, too. He’s my heir, nephew, and a member of the company. I, too, feel the loss although perhaps not as deeply as you,” Thorin quietly spoke. “I’ve lost him, I can’t lose more. I can’t lose you.”

Kili looked at the dwarf coldly. Once upon a time Thorin had inspired joy and love in his heart, had been the force that kept him moving and giving his best, had been the source and direction of his actions, but that wasn’t the case anymore. “You’ve lost both of us.” He turned his back to Thorin. “Leave.”

The king lingered but eventually left silently, head bowed in shame, as he always did when he returned to his chamber from Kili’s. The door shut behind him and Kili locked it.

Kili departed with many well wishes. As tradition dictated, he gave one last farewell to his king. Thorin looked as pale, stiff and blank as a statue as he sat upon the throne won with blood and pain of the innocent, offset perfectly by his oblivious beaming pregnant wife.

Kili bid the king and queen farewell and wished for safe birth of a healthy baby.

“Oh! You should visit us when the baby is born!” Said the young queen who should’ve been Fili’s wife. Beside her, Thorin winced.

Kili promised to try.

After a final bow, he left Erebor behind. He looked back only once to wave at the remaining members of the company, but resolutely avoided looking at Thorin. He turned his back to the Lonely Mountain and turned his attention to his and Fili’s real home.

Ered Luin welcomed him home. He was hailed a hero and a rightful lord. He proved his knowledge and skill in governing, silencing any doubters as he made plans to bring Ered Luin to prosperity. He was young, but he had been taught well and he had seen the worst the world had to offer. The naiveté and carelessness people had been worried about had gone. Kili was now an adult dwarf fully deserving of his position as a lord. He used his charm to gain alliances with lords of other regions and opened new trade routes. He used his experience in battle to strengthen the security of Ered Luin and drew all races from all over Middle Earth with the promise of wealth, cultural exchange, and security among other things.

The baby was born in winter, a few weeks after the second anniversary of the Battle of the Five Armies. It was a boy, a new heir for the king, a guarantee of the continuation of the line of Durin, a relief to some of Kili’s burdens. Kili was invited to come to celebrate in Erebor, but he declined and sent a letter in his absence.

Kili made excuses year after year but carefully silenced people’s doubt of his loyalty by focusing his attention to those that needed it the most: his people. But while others could be distracted and lied to, Thorin would not fall for his tricks (he never did, but Kili only thought of that fact with loathing nowadays). One day, a discreet messenger came to him. The envelope contained only a small bead engraved with ancient Khuzdul only few could understand. Kili read the word ‘beloved’ and tossed the bead to a roaring forge. He bedded the messenger and sent him back with a golden ring Thorin had given him after the first time Kili warmed his bed.

It was the last personal message Kili received. The rest of the correspondences were official documents. Kili performed his duties well, fulfilling every expectation and surpassing some. No one questioned his personal life. He never took a wife, but no one really expected him to with Thorin’s children growing ever stronger each day. And if anyone disapproved or wondered why he insisted on keeping Fili’s room in its original condition and sleeping there, wearing clothes styled after Fili’s taste, and refusing to use anything Thorin had touched, they kept their opinions to themselves.

Decades passed in relative peace and much prosperity until one day a news reached the much admired lord of Ered Luin; a greyer, wiser, but no less brokenhearted dwarf than the youngster who had returned to Ered Luin after reclaiming Erebor decades prior. There was no messenger, but words traveled across Middle Earth faster than any news bearer on the fastest horse could run.

Thorin had died.

Kili mulled over the news for a moment then arranged for a proper mourning period for people to grieve and for his departure to Erebor. Afterward, he went to the very top of the Blue Mountains and surveyed the land which had raised him and he had brought to affluence. He looked to the east where a kingdom was in mourning for its king, where once blood had flooded the earth and an innocent prince and brother was lost to save an unworthy king, where boundless love had turned to deep-seated hate.

It started with a grin that grew into a chuckle that grew into a laughter that became louder and louder and louder until it echoed in the mountain.

“Dead. _Dead_ ,” Kili repeated to the sun which was as warm and bright as Fili had been. His eyes stung and his throat constricted as the day Fili’s young life ended. The hollowness in his chest expanded though his shoulders grew lighter. He closed his eyes, smiled and laughed again.


End file.
